8 weeks...
Maura is eight weeks old today! Time has flown by! It feels like we just brought her home.
In the past eight weeks, I've had on average five hours of sleep a night, changed approximately three hundred thirty-six poopy diapers, washed about forty-seven loads of laundry, and nursed my daughter about four hundred forty-eight times. Maura has grown out of her preemie and newborn clothes and is now fully wearing 0-3 months size. She moved to size 1 diapers a couple of weeks ago. She now has a round belly and a second chin to match her chubby cheeks. My little baby is growing so fast!!
Monday is her two month well-baby check up. She will be getting vaccinations. It makes me sad, and I'm nervous about any reactions that she might have. She's already spending her evenings screaming at the top of her lungs, I don't want her to become any more fussy!! Her fussiness means that she's uncomfortable, and I hate to think that!! I can't wait to find out how much she's grown, though!!
She's back to only sleeping 3-5 hours at a stretch. There were 2-3 nights that she slept a whopping 7 1/2 hours! But I think that my daughter has the same terrible sense of humor that her mother does, and she was just teasing us. She's occasionally getting longer naps during the day, especially if I'm wearing her or she's in her carseat (moving in the car or stroller). From the books that I've been reading, this is normal for this age, and I shouldn't try to get her to change her sleeping patterns until four months of age. So I'm just dealing with it (*yawn*).
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Onto a hot topic: Nursing.
I think that I'm going to start weaning her in another month. Dh already gives her a formula bottle every night so that I can pump and freeze my milk. One day this week, dh was called back to the hospital so I gave her the bottle. She took it really well, and actually ate more for me than she usually does for dh! So I don't think that she will have any trouble weaning. And with the frozen milk, she should be able to have some breastmilk everyday for another couple for months.
I want to wean her for purely selfish reasons. I want my body back. I've been either pregnant or trying or breastfeeding for 18 months now. I want to be able to work out (jogging with these jugs?? No way!!), drink, take medication, whatever I want. I want my body to by mine for a little while before we start back to TTC again. I want to be able to fit into my old jeans and drink a couple of beers.
I'm glad that I breastfed Maura. I'm glad that I was able to give her the extra immunity and all of the benefits of breastfeeding, but I'm glad for other reasons, too. I've learned a lot from breastfeeding.
I learned that breastfeeding is hard. It's hard to get used to. I have no idea how it's considered a "natural" thing to do. I mean, I know that it's how mammals have survived for millions of years, but it certainly wasn't natural for Maura and I. We struggled.
I learned that breastfeeding is very demanding. I've been literally attached to my daughter anywhere from 5-10 hours a day!! 24 hours a day, 7 days a week! It's exhausting. It disrupts plans. Everything is scheduled around her feeding time.
I've learned that breastfeeding is NOT cheap! I'm sure that we've saved money on formula, but I've had to buy the right bras (not easy to find my size, either). I've had to buy new shirts because my old shirts do not fit over this oversized rack that I have. I've bought a manual pump and an automatic pump--that alone adds up to $300!! I wonder what eight weeks of formula would have cost. Have I really saved any money???
I have learned how to eat, type, schedule appointments, arrange for movers and utilities, and answer the phone one handed while breastfeeding. But I still don't feel comfortable about doing it in public or in front of my in-laws.
I don't understand the whole bonding thing. I mean, I would have spent that time with Maura giving her bottles anyway.
But I am glad that we tried it, and that we were successful. I didn't have a big preference on what we did, but I didn't want to look back and say that we didn't try.
I don't think that breastfeeding or formula feeding determines what kind of a mother you are. I think that if you nourish your child, you are a good Mommy.
I admire women who can stick with breastfeeding for months and months. I'm not one of them, but I admire them. I admire women who know themselves well enough to know that breastfeeding is not for them. It is a very demanding sport. I also admire women who've tried to breastfeed and have chosen to bottle feed their babies. IT is hard to make that decision in today's world. There is a lot of pressure to breastfeed. There are women who make you feel guilty if you "give up" on breast feeding. I think that's crap, by the way. Choosing to nourish your child is the right thing to do, however you do it. The best decision that we made was the night that Maura came home from the hospital--we gave her a bottle. She was hungry, and breastfeeding wasn't working. She needed to eat. I could not deprive my daughter of food of whatever source!
Ok, I'm off on a tangent....
This is how I feel about my situation. Everybody feels differently, and each situation is different.
I invite you to share your experience with breast feeding, bottle feeding, etc. I don't want a debate here, as I don't believe that there is a right or wrong. What have you learned from being a new mom and making these choices? What do you hope to do when you become a new mom?
posted by Christine at 4/23/2005 08:58:00 AM
13 Comments:
well...ehem...clearing my throat...since you've ASKED...
When I was pregnant with Logan there was no doubt in my mind I was going to breastfeed. I was, I was planning on it, nothing could have changed my mind.
I researched, got online support, got my husbands support. My family, not so much because they had children in the generation that formula feeding was better and everyone did so. But, they weren't UNsupportive, just didn't understand the desire.
Logan was born and away we went! We had a great first feeding, my confidence was super high! Then it all came crashing down. I bruised like crazy, lost my pigment in my areola (I still don't know why?) and without pigment, it is more painful. The nurse descibed a new mother down the hall with almost black areola's that felt no pain. She said that the lighter they are the more it hurts. I still went on and on and none of the nurses could believe the bruising I had. They hooked me up with all this equiptment (feeding tubes filled with formula under breast shields so that Logan would get the point with getting some nutrition) and we got home and it was a nightmere. I went to a LC and she helped me again but then that day I developed thrush due to the high antibiotics I was on in labor from infection. She wanted to treat me, but my doctor wouldn't go with the treatment she suggested. My doctor/nurse told me, yes TOLD me it was time to go to bottle feeding and I agreed. I was in such pain, exhausted, felt like a failure. I bawled myself silly for days. I felt like I was depriving Logan of something that he deserved. I hated myself! THAT is what the whole 'breast is best' thing does to a new mom who can't get it right and doesn't have the knowlege/support to get there. It is awful being that mom who hears the 'breast is best' over and over knowing she is giving her child second best.
I felt like a failure and I had only been a mom for a week! How on earth could I raise a baby when I couldn't even give him the best! Right?
With Miles, i was even more determined because of the failure I still felt from Logan. Again I researched, asked questions etc...and due to the HELLP, physically did not have the strength (medically...not just the normal new mom exhaustion)
I tried. I pumped. I bruised again like holy hannah. One nurse said she had never seen as much bruising in her 35 years as a PP nurse. I plugged on until I had to spend the day at the ER with vision loss from the HELLP. I knew I had to get myself in order first in order to be a good mom to BOTH of my babies. We switched on a dime. I felt bad, yes, but I saw how Logan was (perfectly fine!) and I knew Miles would be too! That whole 'better bonding with breastfeeding' is a load of CRAP! TRUST me, the bond is just the same! I'm still holding him, looking in his eyes, amazed at his presence. What he is sucking on makes NO difference in that bond!
So, what I THINK should happen is that while breat IS best, mothers shouldn't be made out to feel inadequant (sp?) because the couldn't do something so natural. There should be support both ways! I found my doctor kicked ass with his support of me switching! There was NO feeling bad or making me feel bad! His reaction will always remain a positive in my memories. (My OB is a GP and is now Miles Pedi)
Support is needed no matter what choice you make!!!
Well, I wanted to breastfeed. I thought it looked easy, too. But, when Liam came he would not latch. He wouldn't even face my breast. The nurses would come in, and pinch my breast and frantically shove it in his mouth. I remember a lot of chaos from them trying to get him to latch. Many women pinching my boob. Liam screaming. Me crying.
Then they started to prick his little foot to check his blood sugar.Since he wouldn't latch at all, he had really low blood sugar so they made me give him a bottle. Then they'd come in while I was giving him his bottle and they'd say "Don't give him the bottle or he won't want the breast." Then they'd prick his foot and say he had to have a bottle. I felt hopeless. I couldn't feed him. So many women tried to get him onto me. They shoved his head. They pinched my aerola and pushed it at him. No wonder he never decided to take it.
I was too tired, scared and clueless to know what to do. When we got home, I continued to try to give him my breast and he continued to be highly offended by the idea of breastfeeding. I tried to pump, but it hurt;it took forever;I spent too much time hitched to it and unable to spend with him; I had barely anything in there. Finally, after Jen's advice, I gave up. I decided that a happy mommy would make for a happy baby and that would be most important. I gave up the fight and we were both far more happy for it.
Hi Christine, delurking to add my experience. i am one of those mothers who decided from the getgo that breastfeeding just wasn't for her. that's right, we bottlefed from birth by choice, w/o attempting to breastfeed. and you know, with my first son, i had horrible guilt about it (thanks in no small part to the nurses in the hospital). when my second son was born, i had no guilt and got to just enjoy him, without feeling like i was a bad mother. i went back to work when my oldest was 6 wks (can you imagine? and this is in a "white collar" industry!!!). my youngest I stayed home for 10 wks and was thrilled by the extra time I got with him. My corporation has since changed their maternity leave policy and is now up to 12 weeks. 6 weeks was criminal - but if i had been breastfeeding it would have just been impossible.
so i think that i am off on a tangent - just wanted to tell you how much i appreciate your post and your realization that bottle feeding/formula is not the most horrible parenting choice *ever*. all the best to you and your adorable daughter. :) ann
oh, and also, i like that you acknowledge that breastfeeding isn't cheap, because i know that i've always thought "oh if we have a third child and i breastfeed, imagine how much money we'd save on formula." but the reality is that i'd buy a super-duper electric pump, plus every other thing i'd need and it would probably end up being several hundred dollars. i completely forgot about that part of breastfeeding. okay, i'm done now. :) ann
I loathe breastfeeding. Well maybe it's not quite that bad. I say this as I sit here drinking a glass of red wine with very full breast looking at my $300.00 pump. Daniel is sleeping.
I too thought...well I'll just breastfeed and it will be wonderful. That was with my 1st son. It was not wonderful. I had severe edema in my breast tissue after birthing my son (in fact the nurse said she had never seen anything like it). Add to that that apparently my areola tissue is "fibrous" -think of scar tissue thickness- and several LC's soing the pinching shoving manhandling thing and my son would not latch. I ended up using a nipple guard (hated it) and supplimenting bottles of formula and expressed BM for 10 weeks before I had had enough.
Well with son #2 I was determined to give it a go again, although if he didn't latch, then forget it, I would do bottles. Well he latched, yay for us. The LC was unhappy with my dense tissue and the fact that I had a bruise (could it be b/c your vampires were trying to get my blood while I was bf-ing and he lost his latch, but I couldn't fix it? hmm). Anyway, he has a great latch, but I still hate bf-ing. I've been expressing BM also and have slipped in a few bottles of formula. I'm not sure how much longer I will do this.
It is so nice to see so many women share their stories of breastfeeding where it's not all "the most wonderful and beautiful experience".
Thanks for these comments! If someone asked me a few years ago if I would have breastfed my baby I would have said no. Thru this ttc journey and wanting to do everything "right" I decided it wasn't so bad and I'd try it. My goal was originally 6 months. Now that time is getting closer I am starting to worry about being able to pump when I get back to work and making that work. It just seems like a lot of hassle. So, now I'm thinking that maybe I'll breastfeed for about 3 months and then go the formula route when I go back to work. I am also so happy you brought up the cost factor. That has been one thing that has been floating around in my mind for a while too. I know I'd have to buy an expensive electric pump to take to work and those are at least $300! It seems crazy to me that you're "saving" so much money when you have to buy so much to do what is "natural". I guess I'll just see what happens when he gets here. I'd really like my body back too.... I don't think that makes us bad moms! :)
Hi, Christine! I read your blog all of the time, but only have commented a few times.
First I want to say is that Maura is absoultely BEAUTIFUL!!! (Oh and I LOVE the name Maura).
Oh, and we had that same infant car seat, we also have the matching stroller. I love(d) both of them. I am sad that my little girl is way too big for the infant carrier now, but the stroller is great!
On to breastfeeding. I went back and forth of what to do (while pregnant). I wanted to try it, so after Alyssa was born I tried it (once). It hurt and I was exhausted and she was screaming bloody murder because she was hungry and I gave up. I know probably not the best thing, but I don't think I was 100% devoted to the whole idea. Alyssa has been formula feed from the beginning and she is perfect! She has only been sick twice. Once was a cold accompanied by a UTI and the other was a cold accompanied by a ear infection. And I think both times the cold came from being around other kids who had one.
Anyway, I feel that you do what is best for YOU and for Maura. Don't let anyone tell you what is best for YOUR baby. I know that I heard all the negative feedback from my decision and all I could say is that this was MY decsion and it is what is best for US.
I can't believe she is already 8 weeks old!!! How time flies when you're having fun :)
As for breastfeeding, everyone's experience is different. I have breastfed both of my children.
With Chip we had lots of issues, him not gaining weight like the Drs. wanting and so at 5.5 months we had to start formula supplimenting. We continued to nurse and suppliment until he decided to wean himself at 9 months. He learned to run and decided he could take his bottle with him but couldn't take the boobs with him. When he weaned I cried for a week. I truly love breastfeeding (Guess I'm a minority) and had so wanted to make it until atleast a year.
With Skyla breastfeeding has been such a breaze so far. She is gaining the way she is supposed to and I seem to have MEGA ammounts of milk this time so no supply issues. It has been so enjoyable. I miss sleep since Skyla is still nursing round the clock ..but I know how fast this time flies by so I am sticking it out. I sense that Skyla is going to be nursing probably until she is 2 because she is such a boobie baby and I am thrilled about it.
Truly breastfeeding my children are some of my favorite memories of being a mother. But every woman's experience is different and you have to do what works for you and your baby.
Good for your for providing for your child! What matters most is that Maura is fed, it doesn't matter in what form or how. You're right that this is a very charged discussion because there are many people who feel very strongly one way or another, but you have to do what is best for you and Maura. As long as she is eating, you are doing your job well. :)
I can't believe she is 8 weeks old already!! Time is flying by!
Christine,
Thank you so much for this post, I really needed it. I have a three month old daughter, Tristyn, and for some reason the past couple of weeks I have been a bit depressed about not being able to breastfeed her. I tried really hard during the first couple of days after her birth, meeting with lactation consultants and so forth. I rented the professional pump and even tried pumping at home but my milk supply never fully came in. So I had no other choice but to give Tristyn formula. Lately I have felt like I am not fulfilling my role as a mother because I am not breastfeeding her, but your post has made me see beyond that. Thank you so much for enlightening me and making me feel better about the situation.
Good luck with what ever you decide to do with your beautiful Maura!
Like all have said, you have to do what YOU feel is right for YOUR situation, everyone is different.
I did not even attempt breastfeeding. Being a college student, I felt it impossible to find the time to learn & let Blake learn in the beginning so we went with bottles. I do not feel our bonding was compromised at all & actually dad got in on the experience as well making meal times easier down the road too.
Christine- first off, I think you have done an awsome job to have done it for 8 weeks already. my MIL stopped with her boys when they were 3-4 months old. I had a horrible experience and stopped for selfish reasons.
It is your body and if you feel like its time to stop then go for it. noone is going to think differently of you.
I do plan on breastfeeding this baby, and yes it is very ahrd at first.
I do have a friend who's baby is 2 and she still nurses her at night. to her it was no big deal, they do shrink, your breasts will become smaller in about a month or so, she never bought any of the pumps or anything like that, never even used bottles.
anyways, sorry for rambling on. you are doing an awsome job, and if you feel like its time to stop, go for it, but formula is expensive, since Sammy was breastfed, when she ent on formula we had to put her on soy, and soy right there is more expensive then the reg. stuff, and she couldn't have the cheap stuff either, so your looking ar 13 dollars for a can that lasts around 4 days or so. good luck
I have breastfed both of my kids and have enjoyed it. With my first, I was so very lucky to have no problems. With my second, I have had every problem in the book. But I stuck with it and now he's 9 months and we're still going strong.
I do agree that everyone has a different feeling about what is best for them and you should always do whats best for you.
One thing to add, though. As for the cost of breastfeeding, I have found it to truly be less. My first weaned himself at 8 months and we bought formula for the next 4 months. And at approximately $150 per month, buying a $300 breast pump definitely would save money. So with baby #2, the breast pump has been a real money saver.
Anyways, just my 2 cents. And Maura is one gorgeous little one!
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