Update on last week, this week, and many thoughts in between...

My current mood is

Well, I have so many things to update on!! Let's start one by one...

Visit with Mom and my aunt: things went well. We spent most of our time shopping. I bought a lot of stuff, and my credit card is appropriately worn out! I'm glad that I don't do this often, or I'd be in trouble!

We didn't talk much about the pregnancies or miscarriages, and that was fine with me. I mentioned to them that my angel day was Saturday and that I wanted to get an angel statue for my garden. They continuously tried to help me find something, which I guess was a nice gesture. But I really want to do this on my own. I'll go into that more later.

Angel Day: I really tried to avoid thinking about this too much. I decided that just like a due date--that it's not exactly when the baby usually arrives, that my angel day is flexible as well. So I will honor my angel in my time. So I think that I'm going to buy that angel statue for my garden. There's one there has caught my eye before, and I just didn't know why I should buy it. Now I do.

Trying to conceive: My husband was in town for the critical time. We did get some "baby dancing" in, even with houseguests. And I think that I O'd yesterday evening. I had Left sided ovary pains for a couple of days, but last night, they were wicked, double-over type of pains. And today, a slight rise in temps, no O pains, and other various signs that ovulation has already occurred. So now we are in the 2 week wait...

Test Results: I mentioned in my last post that we received our kareotyping results, and all is well. I was waiting for the results from the pathologists regarding the slides from the D&C. I received a letter last week. The letter says that "there are features seen on the slides that are characteristics of a pregnancy where the chromosomes were not normal." So it confirms what we suspected all along. The letter goes on to read, "I have high hopes that a subsequent pregnancy would be successful." From you mouth to God's ears, Dr. M!!

My husband's interviews: Paul interviewed in New Jersey last week. He said that he liked the practice, but not the area. He said that he couldn't imagine us living there. WE like the rural setting that we are in now, and that wouldn't be an option there because he has to live within 30 minutes of the hospital.
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A weird thing happened while my mom and aunt were here. I had mentioned to them that I wanted to place an angel statue in my garden in honor of my first angel's due date. They continuously tried to help me find one at various stores we went to. But I didn't want to have them involved. I wouldn't even look at the statues, much less buy one. I want it to be just me. I've been alone in my grief thus far, and I don't want them interfering now. It's too personal, and they won't understand.

My reaction really surprised me. Here, there have been so many times when I've wished that someone would hold my hand through this, cry with me, or even just listen. And now I deny family that chance. I don't really get it. Except that I felt as if they were intruding on something so personal, something that they wouldn't understand, and something that I didn't want to have to explain. I've worked so hard to get to where I'm at, and it hasn't been easy. I don't want to relive it all for anyone. My husband has been there from the beginning, and my sisters here online--I don't want anyone else in this part of my life.

I'm surprised, but comfortable with my decision.
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This week is almost just as crazy as last week. My husband has left for a business trip. The hospital is buying new equipment, so he is going to the showroom to pick out what they need. He'll be back tomorrow, but I miss him.

Thursday, we're off to his next interview. We're going to Pennsylvania this time. We'll see what happens.

Sunday, we're driving from PA to Maine. Paul has a conference there. We'll be staying in a Inn right on the ocean, and his meetings are only half-days, so hopefully we'll get to relax a little. I'm bringing a load of books to read. That's a vacation for me!! I do hope to bring the laptop for the trip so that I can keep up with everyone.

But for today, I'm going to spend the afternoon (and maybe the evening!!) at the bookstore. I'm bringing the list of recommendations from you all, and I'm going to park myself in a comfortable chair with a decaf latte. Mmmmm...It's going to be a perfect afternoon...