Big Potential

My current mood is

I spend many a Sunday planning for and reflecting on the week ahead. This week has big potential. It teeters on the edge of being really good or really awful. Here's a run-down of what's on the schedule.

This week, I'm only working one day at work (not much, right? Should be an easy week?) My husband is traveling to New Jersey for a job interview (did I mention that we might be moving?? I'll explain more later). Wednesday, my Aunt and Mom are coming in for a visit--a girls' weekend or sorts. (Sounds like fun? Remember the posts about the arguments and lack of support from Mom??) My first due date would have been this week (the 19th). Oh, and I might ovulate this week (Who am I kidding, not with this stress!). I guess that's about it. Hmph!

Some of you may know, my husband is a doctor. Let me take the time to dispel a few myths (things that I assumed about doctors until I married one!) doctors do NOT know everything about medicine and the human body. They know their specialties only. My husband is a radiology, and where he can tell me everything about the ultrasounds, HSGs, sHSGs, etc., this OB/Gyn trip is a completely foreign experience for him. He does not understand anymore of what I'm going through than any other guy out there. Secondly, even though you are a doctor in a private practice, there is still a lot of crap politics to deal with. Currently it is specifically from the hospital where my husband primarily operates.

Therefore, we are looking at our options. My husband is going on a couple of interviews to see if there might be something better out there. Sounds good...except that there is nothing else in the state of Connecticut. So we might end up moving sometime in the near future. Ugh. We just got here. We just moved into the house that we had been building for almost a year. We're still in the middle of decorating and landscaping said house to turn it into a home. We're just starting to settle in with a group of friends. We're trying to get pregnant!!!!!

But my home is where he is. And since he is the primary breadwinner of the family, he needs to be happy wherever he is at. And I've only been here a couple of years, it's not like I'm leaving the hometown that I grew up in. I already left that, and we're not going back.

So I guess that we'll see what happens.

My mom and my aunt are coming for a visit. They don't know about my husband interviewing, and we aren't going to tell them. They also probably don't remember that my first due date would be this week, and I'm not going to tell them. Mom and I have not been seeing eye to eye. She doesn't offer me the support that I need, and I've resigned myself to not look to her for it. So we will hang out, and share a bottle of wine. We may go to the casinos or go shopping. But it will be superficial for me. I will try my best to keep face.

And I should ovulate this week, which I thought would be a positive way to look at my due date. Instead of my due date being a sad day, it can be a day of new beginnings and possibility. There are two questions that come to mind: Will my husband even be in town during the critical time? And will we be able to do the deed while my mother is sleeping (God, I hope that she's sleeping!!) in the next room??

So the possibilities for the week:

My husband may find the dream job that he's looking for. Or he may decide that the practice that he's with now is the best for him. I may have a wonderful time hanging out with my mom and my aunt. I may win big at the casino. And I may conceive a pregnancy that will turn into the baby of my dreams.

OR

I may have to move, find another house, another job, another set of friends, another doctor who understands the issues of recurrent miscarriages, and everything else that goes along with relocating. I may have a horrible time hanging out with my aunt and my mom because they just don't get it. I may not ovulate. I may not get to baby dance with my husband for whatever reason (mom, please be sleeping!!) We may not conceive this cycle even if we can do the horizontal mambo at the right time.

So I guess that we'll just see what happens. I may not be able to update you as often as I'd like. I don't want to have to try to explain what a blog is or why I feel that it is so important for me to have one.

BTW--Thanks for the recommendations on the books! I'm still taking suggestions, and I plan to take some time out this week, before my guests get here, to go to the bookstore with my new list. I'm going to get a yummy decaf mocha, and spend hours looking over your recommendations. It's one thing that I am undoubtedly looking forward to this week!!!