Messages

I went back to church today. It's a church that I really haven't gone too much since we just moved to this area last fall, and then with the miscarriages, I just didn't go. So it was a little weird to go back. Not exactly like returning home. But I really felt the need to go.

I've been through some rocky times with my faith since the miscarriages. For a while, I was angry at God. Then, after seeing the Passion of Christ, I realized that God actually saw His son die. He certainly understood the pain that I felt for my losses. And since then, well, I just hadn't gotten up the courage to return to church. I knew that I would cry through Mass, and I just didn't want to deal with that. Until today.

It was good to get back. And the message in the sermon was good today, too. But there was another message there. It was weird. After communion, the chorus was singing as a reflection sort of time. I didn't recognize the song which is unusual because I was always in the chorus growing up. Anyway, it had a nice melody, and then the words caught my attention. "I will see you again someday. Your heart will be filled with a joy that no one can take away." It was as if it were a message specifically for me from my angels.

I cried.

This time in my life is about transition. I've been thinking a lot about that the last couple of days. I want to transition from grieving to healing. Of course, there will always be a part of my heart that grieves for the babies that I lost. But it's time to move forward with hope for the future. I've been a little torn. And so the song today really touched me. I felt like it was my angels telling me that it's ok to move forward. And they will see me again when it's time. But that it's ok to let go for now.

I'm not usually one who reads into this sort of stuff. Or at least, it takes a lot to get my attention. But I felt such peace when I thought about what that song meant to me. Even through the tears, it felt good.