Hope Restored

I really feel so much lighter after my appointment with the RE. Oh, of course, I still have fears and concerns. I realize that there is still a 25% chance that I will miscarry again (and I think that SUCKS! But that's for another topic!)

But I was lying (or is it laying?) in bed the other night thinking about things, and I felt good. I felt good about the future, about life in general, and about myself. I felt playful for the first time in a long time. I feel womanly again. Some of my self-worth has returned. All because some doctor told me that there's no reason that we shouldn't end up with a baby someday. Hmph. That easy.

I knew that I had lost a lot of self-worth through all of this. I really stopped loving myself. I felt so betrayed by my body. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. I felt like less of a woman.

But I had no idea how badly I felt until the other night. I was truly broken. No, shattered. Yes, that's more like it. I felt as if my heart had been shattered into many sharp, little pieces.

But I don't want to talk about that. This is the first time that I have felt this positive in a while, and I want to stay on this path. I feel hopeful today. The world looks a little brighter.

I feel like I'm beginning to heal. And this is a process. But it's a new chapter. The grief in my heart is still there, and probably always will be, but for the first time, there is also hope.

Just like my bracelet~~Hope and Remembrance