Catching up...

So we had a great trip. Italy is an amazing country, in positive and negative ways. I will definitely have to get back there again, but for now, I'm really happy to be home.

For the most part, the trip helped me forget. It was as if the miscarriages never happened. It was so strange and wonderful that my losses weren't foremost on my mind. There were a couple of moments that were difficult, but for the most part, it was carefree. I had forgotten what it felt like to be carefree.

Now that I'm back, I'm sad and scared. I have my RE appointment coming up next week, and that is really freaking me out. I am actually tempted to cancel it and forget all about it. I want to know. I want the tests. I'm just afraid of the answers. I wish that I knew what to expect.

And I'm feeling even more alone now than ever. I don't feel like there is anyone who understands. My husband supports me on my decision to go to an RE, but he doesn't agree with me. Because his education in medicine taught him that two miscarriages are still within the "normal" range, he doesn't see the point of going through the testing just yet. But I need to. I will be a complete basketcase the next time that I get pregnant if I haven't ruled out that something is wrong with me. I just wish that there were someone that I could talk to. Someone who'd been through this. Someone who'd understand.

I know that I have a lot of "sisters" out there in cyber-land who do understand. If you could send me a few hugs right now, I'd appreciate it.

Coming home was bittersweet, I guess. I was so ready to be home. I'd been away too long, but once reality set in, well, feeling carefree for a couple of weeks sure was a nice change. But I guess that dealing with reality is important and inevitable. Sometimes I wish that I could do denial as well as some of my relatives!