just blue

I've been blue the past few days. I seem to have good days sprinkled among a string of bad days, and I guess I'm in the middle of the string.

My husband mentioned to me the other day that one of his co-workers (and a friend of ours) is starting to show. I didn't even know that she was pregnant. I guess that he forgot to tell me, or avoided telling me because he didn't want to make me sad. Anyway, I got really upset when I heard about it. She is due right about the same time that my second pregnancy would be.

Somehow, it feels strange that life just goes on for everyone else in the world. It's sort of like when you see a cousin after years of being apart. You know, when you remember them as a puny 7-year old, and all of a sudden, they're voice is changing, and they're learning to drive. I feel the same age as I did the last time, how did they grow up like that? Anyway, I feel like my life is at a standstill. I feel like the miscarriages just happened. It's weird to think that other's pregnancies are progressing normally, and that our friend is starting to show. I'm not showing, how is she showing?

I react differently everytime when I hear about a friend's pregnancy. I have many friends that are pregnant right now. Sometimes I like to hear the good news about their latest developments. Other times, it stings. When my husband told me about his coworker, I couldn't stop myself from reacting through tears.

So, I'm blue. And world moves on without me. So be it. I need to stop for a while. I'll eventually catch up with the world.